REJECTION AND LONELINESS EXPOSED THE TRUTH.
I AM LOVED.
Or the time it was freezing, and my car wouldn’t start. I walked into this nice furniture store to ask for help. Stares. Even the ones on their smoke break couldn’t muster the kindness to help me out. I even had the jumper cables in hand. Silence. Nothing. Everyone content to leave me on red.
I was a homeless man with a scrappy appearance and a stale stench. I was also crumbling into a bitter, angry, and hateful person. Circumstantially life had failed me, but the failing of people around me was a rejection I couldn’t bear.
My list of stories, where I was considered less than, subhuman, not worth the time, is long and dehumanizing. But that’s the experience it took for God to grab my stubborn attention. He had to get me completely alone before I could see him with clarity.
I was rich
Not even a year earlier life was fully on. I was rich by my own standards. I prided myself on money and material possessions because growing up I didn’t have anything. So, I thought this was truly living. I had all the friends, the stuff, always partying and turning up. I was happy and well-liked. Life felt full.
by my own
And then bam, I fell on hard times. I lost my job, and through some craziness with my roommates, I got evicted. I was forced to live out of my car, sleeping nights in a Walmart parking lot. All those friends who said, “I got you,” during the good times, suddenly they didn’t get me. They disappeared. No, actually one worse. They ridiculed me, spoke fun of me, and deserted me. It was intentional and hurtful. It was an act of their will, not their apathy, and that stung.
Feeling shame, my pride kicked in. I tried to hide what was really going on in my life. I needed help, but refused to ask for it. Why set myself up to get hurt? Believing I couldn’t trust anyone, my resentment of others took root. When the people closest to you give up on you when you need them most, humanity starts to look differently.